Relationship jokes

I fell in love with my teacher.

Which is weird because I am home schooled.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

Just a pickup line.

"Ayo, bbg, are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in."

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They have no one to call daddy.

What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?

A family pizza.

"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."

-Mully- This is my mom left!!

Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."

The other man says, "How do you know?"

The other man says, "Because she is dead."

Boomerangs come back, but your dad never did.

Chat date for Kenya and Jaden!

Dear Kenya, love of life,

Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!

Love you a million times more!

Your nan's gay.

Why do I have a fat mom?