Relationship jokes

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.

He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

Hey, who thinks Gwen and Aiden are not dating, and who also thinks this dumb girl named "Zre" is being a dummy? And who thinks Gwen belongs with Prince, aka boyfriend?

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"

Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"

Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."

Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".

He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"

Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."

How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?

Call and tell her about it.

"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."

When an orphan takes a selfie, it's technically a family photo. :)

Stephen only died because his wife tripped over the power cord.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.

Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.