Relationship jokes
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
Bully: Ha, guess what?
Nerd: What?
Bully: You are adopted.
Nerd: At least I was wanted!
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
What do you call gay parents?
Poly.
Why do orphans play tennis?
So they can finally get love.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data!
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.
Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.
Me: Mine DON'T :(
"When I heard that not arguing or fighting in a relationship represents a lack of interest, that's when my girlfriend started missing her makeup box."
What do you think of your mom? I can do it.
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
Q: What’s worse than fingerbanging your sister?
A: Finding your dad's wedding ring.
Man's got that big bati, you know.
Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.
And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.
How much cum does a gay guy have?
An ass loaded.