Relationship jokes
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
Why can't I be gay? I have nobody to call "daddy."
So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."
Me and her Lol
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
Are you Paris, 'cause Eiffel for you.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
Why did the skeleton want a friend? Because he was feeling bonely.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.