Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.
Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.
I told my cousin since we're not blood-related our parents would let us date.
Her pants were on fire.
Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.
I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?
Aaron, you glad I didn't make this joke?
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
What is a boyfriend?
"I love you 😘" was the night you got a iiooooo.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
I don't want to date an alien.
Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.
I fell in love with my teacher.
Which is weird because I am home schooled.
What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?
They can both squirt out their cum.
My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.
She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."
