Relationship jokes

What is hard about having a relationship with an astronaut?

They are always so distant! :-]

There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.

One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"

"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.

"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.

"Are you mad?" The police asked.

"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.

"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.

"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.

Why could the orphan never be gay?

Because he had nobody to call "daddy."

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!

So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

Why does my dad hate me? Really, please tell me, I'm tired of the constant abuse and pain.

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

What do you call an orphan's family picture? A self-portrait.

My family is like treasure; you need a map and a shovel to find them.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)

Your hairline and your eyebrows are like your parents, separated.

"What is your number?" "Hi."

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."