My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Relationship Jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
What is the definition of "Endless Love"?
Answer: Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing "Tennis"!
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
So, one day Kylin Banks was playing football. Then he saw Violet. After he saw her, he got bricked up. Then he ran after her and rubbed his pickle all over her. She was so happy.
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
You're so fat when you told your mum and dad, even they laughed!
Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
My wife is so fat! I took her to the Grand Canyon. She fell in and got stuck!
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Say, "Moommy."
Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?
Because they never came home.
I think my dad loves jokes.
Because he laughs when he looks at me.
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You be the 6, I'll be the 9. 😏
