Relationship jokes
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?
Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy."
I tried to have phone sex once.
But the holes were too small.
Why can't orphans be gay? They don't know their daddy.
Why do orphans like to have sex?
So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?
"Like ur cute g."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
How did the Iron and Gold start dating?
They met on TINder.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?