Relationship jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
Are you adopted?
No.
I mean, who would want you?
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
Why do orphans like to have sex?
So they can finally have someone to call "daddy."
There are 2 dads and 2 sons. They all caught a fish.
Why did they only come home with 3 fish?
(Answer)
There were a grand-dad, dad, and son.
If you don't get it, then it means grand father is the dad to the dad (1 dad). Dad is the dad for the son and a son for the grandfather. Get it?
What is the difference between chocolate and sex?
I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.
Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???
Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?
Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.
I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.
Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy."
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Did you know that your son has been deeper inside of your wife than you have...unless you put the coat hanger up there?
There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.