Relationship jokes

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

Why do people play soccer?

Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.

So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]

Hi, are you even my sister?

Yes, I am.

No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.

Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!

"You’re the milk to my cookies."

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

What is an orphan's family photo?

A selfie.

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Why can’t orphans be gay?

Because they have no daddy to call.

What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.

She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.

Fatherless jokes.