Relationship jokes
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck it off...
If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘fine-apple.’
Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.
Your mum!
If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.
Why don't orphans need parent approval for their wedding?
Because they never came home.
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
About to go on a date.
But she was late.
So I got some tape.
And eventually punished her with rape.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
I like my coffee like my women.
Amateur.
Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."
Off the nearby cliff.
Your nan.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(