Relationship jokes
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
"Yol, what do you think about sex?"
"Good."
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Why do orphans like fucking other dads?
Because they get to have a daddy.
I was hit by a car. Later, my ex lost her bus job.
Why were condoms invented? So gay guys can have sword fights.
Why can't an orphan go to a family reunion?
It has no family.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
Are you a horse, because I want to ride you?
I fucked a wall.
Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
I tried to have phone sex once.
But the holes were too small.
Daddy, harder!