Relationship jokes
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?
At least Daniel has a mom.
What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?
I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
Memes
Looks about right
So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"
Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"
Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
Yo mama so fat, she took both sides of the family.
I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.
What is an orphan's family photo?
A selfie.
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no daddy to call.
What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.
Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.
Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.
Knock knock.
You: Who's there?
Your new father!
What does your dad's cock and Darryl's Savouries have in common?
I want them both in my mouth!
The only food I want to review is my wife's rear end.
What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?
You need to com-it.
What's the difference between a boomerang and your dad?
Boomerangs come back.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.