Relationship jokes
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
Your mom.
Your dad!
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
What’s it called when an orphan takes a photo?
A family picture.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.