Relationship jokes
Orphan: I love abcdefu!
Caretaker: Why? You don't have anyone to flip off.
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
Memes
Daddy, harder!
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
Bully: How’s your girlfriend?
Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?
Bully: *cries*
Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?
"Like ur cute g."
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
Are you adopted?
No.
I mean, who would want you?
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.