Relationship jokes

Oh, you're jealous now.

Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?

They actually can call someone "daddy!"

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.

Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?

A: An orphan.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.

I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

Bros over hos.

Palestinians leave without saying goodbye.

Israel says goodbye when the Americans say so.

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband and says, “I shaved down there; you know what that means.”

The husband responds, “Yeah, the drain is clogged.”

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.