Relationship jokes

I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

"Doin' doin' your mom, doin' doin' your mom."

I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."

How does she know I have that?

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

Not your dad.

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?

The pizza guy shows up when you call him.

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

"Dad, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got them all cut!"

Brings a whole new meaning to brotherly love.

A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.

His wife was up waiting for him.

"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.

He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."

You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

I tripped over my wife’s bra. It was a booby trap!