Relationship jokes
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?
Land ho!
Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out.
My sexlife xddddddddd
The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.
Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.
The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.
Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.
The person I hate: Rood.
Me: Shut up.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
I would tell a dad joke, but it already left me.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
How do you know if a rapist loves you?
He will rape you many times.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Why did Obama marry Michelle?
Because he's into chicks with dicks.
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.
Violets are blue, roses are red.
Last night your mom was giving me head.
#takemebacksophie
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.