Relationship jokes

What does an orphan's family photo called?

A selfie.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

This is not a joke, Tom. I'm asking you to leave me alone, stop being sexual, I don't like you.

Your mom was dating a boy that had a twin brother, but she did it with the wrong one.

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait.

I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.

If you can't see your family... you're an orphan.

I like to make your mom jokes.

Because they're easy like your mom.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

What’s it called when an orphan takes a photo?

A family picture.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

Fatherless jokes.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call "daddy."

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.

Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Timmy: *starts crying*

Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.