Relationship jokes
Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."
Why did my dad leave me and my mum?
I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
His name is "Daddy!" HELP!
crazy anal sex
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
How did Peter Cottontail get his swing on? He made love to Alice in Wonderland.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.
She is not “fun to be around.”
Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.
Chump obviously wants to divorce Melania and marry Pootin, lmfao.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
Hi, are you even my sister?
Yes, I am.
No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought you can mix too.
Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?
Fatherless jokes.
My brother: What are you looking at?
Me: A mistake.