Relationship jokes

Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.

Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?

A Topping.

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

Kid #1: You're adopted.

Kid #2: At least they wanted me.

Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

Random couple after their first night:

Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?

Wife: ☠️

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

One is actually used.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.