Relationship jokes
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?
A selfie.
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
When he figures out your 12:
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
Your mom and your dad.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Official orgasm donor.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.
My brother when he sees a girl.