Relationship jokes

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...

Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

Your mom and your dad.

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

Official orgasm donor.

Babe, I'm breaking up with you.

Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!