Relationship jokes
Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
Your sister is your mother.
Your father is your brother.
You all shag one another.
The Inbred family.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.
*You're a real best Gwen*
Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)