Relationship jokes

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.

My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?

Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.

Man: Stop with these orphan jokes!

Me: Why? Are they going to tell their parents on me?

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait.

Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night? They don’t have a dad to go with.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

When an orphan takes a selfie, is that their family photo?

She really wanted a boner.

If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?

He fell for her.

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."

"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"

The orphan also had to cry because the cartels called him "homie."

Why do orphans love tennis?

Because it is the only place they can get love.