Relationship jokes

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

You’re so ugly, I can see why your dad left now.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

My name says it all.

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

I love you.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope...

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣