Relationship jokes

I was at a funeral and told a joke, and my sister said, "I'm dead." So I said, "That's what she said."

Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

I’ve been told I’ve got a perfect cock. She sure was hard on me when I cut it off, though.

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

I love you.

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because its uncles were all aunts!

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack was in shock with a mouth full of cock, 'cause Jill's real name was Randy.

Your mum is gay; her name is Rachel.

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.