Relationship jokes
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
I was gonna tell you a joke about my abusive dad...
But I only remember the punch line👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊👊
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
"Lemme clap your girl's booty cheeks, daddy papi."
Both man and woman have balls, but they like to play with the ball of each other because a person always loves what they don't have. 😁
Wanna hear a good joke?
My dad’s love for me.
What did the stepbrother and stepsister do together?
Oof, mitosis!
Your mom has a bone to pick with me.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife is dead.
My family is like a cactus; a bunch of pricks.
Pussy = drugs.
So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.
He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
My ex-wife still misses me...
BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!