Sister

Anonymous

my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.

8

Puns

Anonymous

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

Funny

Ur mom

Friend:Im gonna go ask out my crush Me: fake sneezes* Sry im alergic to bullshit

Roast

Anonymous

crush: how much do you love me??

me: well look at the stars outside

crush: but its morning me: exactly

Class

Bobby Shmurda

When your crush walks in class but youre homeschooled…

6

Sister

SHEEEEEESSHHHH

Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

Ball

Seth is gay

I heard that my Crush got kicked in the Balls and when I thought of it…

Funny

oo

Wow gwen even said she loves Tj she just did prince look at it u are going to be crush it is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments look their!

Sister

Anonymous

my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”

Funny

Funnyest thing I did on my sister!

Hi! This is a good prank I did! Okay My sister has this crush and his name is Braylon so he text my sister saying he wants to hang out with her which I think means date so anyway I did this My text said “Hi braylon, I can’t hang out today…or the other day because I have homework, so please no hang out!” this is super wrong but funny! Braylon text back and said “Fine I can help” and I text back and said “Oh will come here around 10:00” And my sister did not know he was comeing…she was so embarrsed she was still in her night gown! HAHAHAH. O to the k bye thats the prankster!!!

Belt

suiside_jennica

i told my mom that i have a crush she replied with: “so u like girls” i said: "uhm no no no " BUT im lesbian someone help how do i tell her without her hitting me with a belt??

Nut

Anonymous

Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away

2

Orphan

Anonymous

My mom is a chemistry teacher. Mom: you can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back Me: tell that to my FUKING CRUSH BTCH

Lie

Anonymous

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me…it turns out that she was lying.

Wood

Wickerlynn

Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground. Terrified, he dials 911 and says “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead. The hunter replies, “Ok I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks “Anything else?” The nurse says “Nope. That’s it.”

Depression

RazorSharpThoughtsHauntingMyMind

Me: Meets girl, starts to form crush Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me*

“What do you call my friend group?* Suicide Squad

Calculator

Anonymous

I remember having a crush on my math teacher so i winked at her and said “dont worry babe, ill callculater.”

Die

SHEEEEEESSHHHH

My crush: OMG my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

Me: Oh my goodness I am so sorry I am here for you!

My crush: I have a boyfriend…🙄

Me: Yeah well I have a dog

Baby

bigpapi

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

Gravity

Anonymous

my girlfriend has a huge crush on Jupiter, I mean she fell HARD!!!