Relationship jokes

Me: Want to hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.

Friend: What's funny about that?

Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me... It turns out that she was lying.

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"

My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?

What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?

You don't want your computer to go down on you.

One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

Why do I only date orphans?

Because they never have daddy issues.