Relationship jokes

Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.

I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

Why do I only date orphans?

Because they never have daddy issues.

Why did the electron leave the atom?

Because it had its ion someone else.

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.

I fucked your girl.

Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."

First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."

She replies, "Really original."

Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."

She replies, "Ew, gross."

Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."

Winner dog 3.

I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.

Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.

When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

Your mom's my dad. Think about that!

Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".

The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.

One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.