Relationship jokes
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock. I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick, but he said it doesn’t taste that bad, so I’ll give it a shot.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
What's the difference between a blonde and your computer?
You don't want your computer to go down on you.
One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.
I fucked your girl.
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
Roses are red, your penis is blue, the bed sheet has turned a different color, too.
When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."