Relationship jokes

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.

Person:

Guy: You walk into a bar.

Person: I'm a man.

Guy: You meet a girl.

Person: I'm a man.

Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.

Person: I'm a man.

Guy: You guys go on a bed.

Person: I'm a man.

Guy: She whispers into your ear...

Person: I'm a man!

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

What does a husband of a woman do when he is horny?

He goes on a business trip with 100 $1 dollar bills.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?

A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.

Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.

Me: Mine DON'T :(

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

I like my cigars like I like my women: 7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba.

Ok, not really racist but still funny.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker...

Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?

They’re just two weeks to quit.

A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.

So my best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a ‘single’ joke. Then she said, "Go and f***ing die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF I will break his body for you. Happy now?"

She said, "Sniff, yes."

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

- Hey, are you single?

- No, I'm album.