An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.
I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.
The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."
So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"
My son is broken: "I think at home!"
Happiness!
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.
Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.
Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!
Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.
Q: Why aren't emo jokes funny?
A: They always seem to cut a little too close.
If an orphan took a picture, what would you call it? A family photo.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
Why did the guy like retarded jokes? Because he was a retard himself.
COBRA GRINDSET OF THE DAY: Depression isn't real. You feel sad, you move on.
You will always be depressed if your life is depressing. Change it, bitch!
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
