Psychology jokes

"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."

Why does an orphan commit a crime?

Because it wants to be wanted.

I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.

Why did the rapper go to therapy?

To work on his FLOW ISSUES.

An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.

When the school shooter shoots the autistic kid and he thinks he's having an orgasm.

I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.

The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."

So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow!

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

What do you call two bears jerking each other off?

Bipolar.

Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.

"Others, Morris, Sal, Sal, Rasuba Marid, Things!"

My son is broken: "I think at home!"

Happiness!

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

Why did he kill himself?

Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.

My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

If an orphan took a picture, what would you call it? A family photo.

Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!

Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.