Stress jokes

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

"Don't worry! Life goes on."

"Yeah, that's what's had me worried."

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them!

Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?

My mind.

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

My anxiety has anxiety.

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

What do you tell a stressed-out Pokémon?

“Kakuna Rattata!”

Kenny is a comfort snacker.

Every time he's stressed, he eats his mom's pussy.