Object jokes
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
What do you call a legless table? Nothing.
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
Memes
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
I ate a watch once... it was time-consuming.
I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What's the difference between a boomerang and parents to an orphan?
The boomerang comes back.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!