Object jokes

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

What do you call a legless table? Nothing.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.

What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.

What hit the ground first, a feather or the emo kid?

The feather, because the emo kid was left hanging.

What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?

Both of those are commonly found in basements.

When is a door not a door?

When it is ajar.

What is red and shaped like a bucket?

A red bucket.

I ate a watch once... it was time-consuming.

I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?

A seatbelt.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?

A dildo.

What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?

A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.

What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

A pool table.

Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!