Object jokes
What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
I ate a watch once... it was time-consuming.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
I would tell a clock joke, but I don't have time.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.