Object jokes
What do you call a legless table? Nothing.
Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.
What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.
What hit the ground first, a feather or the emo kid?
The feather, because the emo kid was left hanging.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because she was crummy.
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What has 1 head, 1 foot, and 4 legs? A bed.
When is a door not a door?
When it is ajar.
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.
I ate a watch once... it was time-consuming.
What gets long when you put it, slides into holes, and likes to squeeze between boobs?
A seatbelt.
How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?
A blender.
How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
What's the difference between a baby and a tire swing?
A tire swing doesn't die when you hang it from a tree.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Your father.