"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
What's the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn't cry when I break it's legs
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak
how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
a fat girl was dancing on the table and i said nice legs she says you really think so and i say yes definitely most tables would of been broken by now
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant I asked the waiter "People under 12 eat free right" the water confirmed that yes people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "but I'm 13.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi
What’s the only thing with 4 legs Asians don’t eat? A table
So a blind guy walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.
What is the worst animal to play cards with ................................................................................... a cheater
Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table.
Sir Cumference
Who’s the roundest night at king arthurs round table?
Circumference
