Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
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What's the difference between a man and a table. The table doesn't cry when I break it's legs
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? -- A pool table.
how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
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Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned and the steaks are higher.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak
Why does michael jackson like to play ping pong or table tennis? He likes to play with the little balls.
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair
What did the autistic kid order at a restaurant?
A disorder
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
