Object jokes

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

I finally got a girlfriend.

Her name is Remington Model 32.

What did the knife say to the other knife?

"Knife to meet you."

Can a box match? No, but a tin can.

What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?

I don’t microwave forks.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.

Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?

And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?

A: Mat.

What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?

Time to get a new watch.