Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
Why would doors do well on social media?
Everyone looks for their handles.
I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.
I’d say Leo is as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.
Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.
In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.
Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
How do you get a blonde to drown?
Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?
At least one has a point.
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.
