Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant I asked the waiter "People under 12 eat free right" the water confirmed that yes people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "but I'm 13.
joe: are your mom and dad nice?
zozo: well they were until i murdered them over a bottle of pringles
joe: oh so you are an orphan, and a murderer
I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".
She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied "you just ask nicely
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
you look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if i give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
When his dick is really really small but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad cause he is a nice guy.
Gwen why are u so nice?
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
I got a roommate, he killed a butterfly and I said no butter for a week, the next day he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch nice try
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice
I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said “NICE CUT G”
can we have sex because if we dont i cant like you big thick BOOTY! ;]*so lets have sex in bed you sexy woman or behind a tree because shoving my dick in your P***y is a very nice feeling while sucking your A*s
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help
orphans are like vegans, no one ever remembers the nice ones.
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: Nice to eat you.
daughter:where was i born Dad:Alabama daughter :that is nice mum:We have never been to Alabama Dad:RUN
An ugly arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins, Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice,"
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. ... I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with.
