Nice jokes
What did the 5 say to the S?
"Nice shape."
Lesbian stands for:
L: Loving
E: Extra
S: Shitty
B: Bitches
I: I
A: Am attracted to
N: Nice girls.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
Nice 👍
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
You should watch Ryan ToysReview because he's not mean; he's a very nice boy.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
Why did the GG Miller say to the loser?
"This is a nice reflection!"
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
1. Your brother says... “you look ugly.” You say back... “Nice, I was trying to look like you.”
2. You're so dumb, I'm surprised you even made it to kindergarten.
3. The ugly vowels: A, E, I, O, and YOU.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
Orphan joke protest! Orphans are nice and kind, so stop joking about them!
Sign a comment and put me or anything else to protest about!
Good luck, Jake.
What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"