Nice jokes
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Here is the meaning of the name Gwen!
Good
Wise
Enough
Nice
Mean meaning of the name Gwen!
Grumpy
Words
Enough
Nasty
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What was the computer's best pickup line?
Nice bits!
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Lynx Africa is based on a nice smell. Do you think Lynx England would smell like Stella and disappointment?
One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice belt."
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.