Nice Jokes

dirty night clown

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Anonymous
in Depression

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

3
Tyler

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

Anonymous
in Puns

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. – It’s nice to have a bit of company.

0
The Irish Outlaw

I believe “Self-Babtism” is a nice way of saying “Failed Suicide Attempt”

9
Anonymous

If you say to someone “have a nice day!” It will make them happy. If you say, “Enjoy the next 24 hours” They’ll be terrified.

Wat
in Puns

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester! :D

Anonymous
in Depression

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it’s working, but it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

imgay2

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

0
Anonymous

Of a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment…

Pumped Up Kicks
in Shooting

when you’re the only one nice to the quiet kid.

kid: i like you… don’t go to school tomorrow.

Anonymous

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods and I was going to tell him nice fake airpods but it was his hearing aids

Anonymous
in Name

So there’s this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says “I’ve got an idea!”, and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies “Well for your daughter, Denise” “That’s a nice name” comments the mother, “but what about my son?” The uncle simply replies “Denephew”.

5

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

“Who named you, your mother?”

"No, I named myself, she answered.

“Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”

“Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

Anonymous

One erection would be a very nice name for a gay band.

Anonymous
in Funny

These are all really nice jokes but here is one. Boy: Spell ME Girl: M-E Boy: You forgot the D Girl: There is no D in ME Boy: Not yet

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they’re happy. They tell him, “Well, we’re so sick of the cold where we’re from, and this place is nice and toasty.”

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell’s boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians’ room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they’re doing.

“Well, we can’t pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!”

Satan realizes he’s been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it’s at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he’s won now, so he goes back to the Canadians’ room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, “WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!”

They look at him and shout at the same time, “Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!”

Anonymous
in Puns

What did the butcher say to the pig?

Nice to meat you

Tootisebella
in Hare

What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your Hare cut!