Mythology jokes
Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
This. Is. Sparta
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”
Me: Then which one are you?
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!