Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.
Do you need an ark?
Because I Noah guy!
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
What goes cackle, cackle, *bonk*?
A witch laughing its head off.
