Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
Chuck Norris knows the location of Atlantis.
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What did the headless horseman say to the woman?
"Give me head."
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Angel: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Satan: Could you like FUCK OFF FOR ONE MINUTE?
Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
Mommy, Mommy! Are we vampires?
Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
