Mythology jokes
Medusa makes men hard.
YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!
People were scared of the alligator because it ate everyone, so they called for the water god Aquarius.
He said "Sea ya later, alligator!" and he drowned.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
Stop.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What do you call a magic car?
A human.
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool? Posiedown.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
this?
Right, the bit as the bottom... i mean, look i keep myslef open on systems to rule empires and shit should i ever need to be it.
