Mythology jokes

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broom.

God creating spiders.

God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.

YOOO, does anyone need an ark? I know a guy!

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"

Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.

Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

A: He only comes once a year.

What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.

How are giants and strippers alike?

They both grind men's bones to make their bread.

Why are Egyptian gods orphans?

Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.

If hay is for horses, what is for unicorns?

Haaaaaaay!

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!

Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!

What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?

"I will be back next month."

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.

Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.