Mythology

Mythology Jokes

Unicorn

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

Dad

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

Hell

A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.

Part 1

Religion

Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.

We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

Genie

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

Genie: Poof!

Tom: It didn't work.

Orphan

What do orphans call their parents? Unicorns, because they don't exist.

Preacher

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

Asgard

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

Momma

Yo momma is so ugly, Slenderman runs from her.

It's also why he has no eyes.

Bigfoot

So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.

One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"

He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"

Neck

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.