My jokes
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"
And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."
Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?
His internet connection ran out.
I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.
Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?
It's so cold, I mist bring my jacket.
My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?
I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.