My Jokes

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

Yesterday I had a party in my basement.

I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

I posted on my Facebook account that you have a picture on Facebook.

when i'm edging in class
and my teacher shows a
presentation of kids
starving in Uganda
relatablevid1
(i busted at the part where the
kid starved to death)

Hi, this is Chloe, and I am about to tell you about my joke.

Why did the cow cross the road? Because to get to the other side.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."

My sister said I'm stupid today, and she's the one who wrote this.

Hi! I love that you love a good time of my day.

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...

"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Hahahahahahhah my nan died :)

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."