My jokes
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"
(gun shot)
Why did the chicken cross the road to get to the gay man's house?
Knock knock, it's the gay man. There's a chicken at my house.
My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
Memes
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
All my 9/11 jokes crash and burn.
My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.
I killed my cat.
Dude, people gotta stop letting 9/11 jokes fly around like bro, you're gonna make my brain explode!
My dad died in 9/11. I'll always remember his last words:
Allah hu akbar.
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! š
My brother: What are you looking at?
Me: A mistake.
Hey, my sister said you're Mattick, so I decided to swim with her and she threw a ball at me, so I went to my dad and she said, "Why did you tell dad?" She was crying because Iām not getting a car seat.
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)