My jokes

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I am a George Formby fan, and I love football. My favourite manager was Arsène Wenger. My favourite referee was Collina. My favourite player was Dean Windas. So my favourite George Formby song was "Wenger, Collina, Windas."

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

My owl turned 180 today.

He isn’t old, he just has a bad neck.

My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."