My jokes

I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

I got jealous when my phone died.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance.

My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.

Why is Daisy afraid of candles?

Watch my videos and find out!!! 🤸‍♀️🕯📷💰😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

It's so cold, I mist bring my jacket.

What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?

My Chemical Romance.

The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."

Spring is here, I got so excited, I wet my plants!

I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.

If my son was a real man, I wouldn't have caught him fucking another man.