My jokes
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
What do you call two emos in a chemistry lab?
My Chemical Romance.
The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."
Spring is here, I got so excited, I wet my plants!
Why is Daisy afraid of candles?
Watch my videos and find out!!! 🤸♀️🕯📷💰😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?
Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.
I didn't steal it. 🌚
I looked at your hairline, and when I saw you, I thought to myself of the last time I was a baby.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?
My Chemical Romance.
There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Kris
Damn this shit!
Megan Thee Stallion: What!
Kris: My mother is a fucker!
The whole world:
OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to hire a butler for my new mansion in downtown LA. As he arrived, he introduced himself and I discovered it was Ghostionel Pessi.
I asked him why is he working as a butler? He told me that “a big game is coming up so he needs to refine his bottleling skills.” DAMN PESSI!
My job is so amazing.
Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.