My jokes

My friend told me she had a good joke and it beat all mine. I said, "Haha, that is funny!"

I called my dog 5 miles.

Today, I fawn over my miles.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ach.

Ach who?

Bless you!

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

Wanna see my pp again?

My uncle died in 9/11. He was a pilot.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My name is Ya.

Ya who?

Yahooooo!!!

I'm a magician. Watch my closing act at the end of the rope.

I told my sister to make a noise and hear what she said... "Cuckoo coo chew." #Owl🦉

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

My dad came out of my step-sister's room as I came out of my step-mum's room.

I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.