My jokes

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

Uranus caught a 3-meter flatty while surfing. Check the tail still kicking. Deadly, my bruz!

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.

Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.

My friend has a shovel made of gold. I guess you could call him a gold digger.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

My builder was extending my basement when he questioned me because he found three dead kids in a corner tied together.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂