My jokes

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

Top 10 Cos:

1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

My great grandpa killed Hitler.

My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:

I got it from her when I was born.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?

He said “Wynaut.”

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"