My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
My Jokes
In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.
I want my first time to be special.
What is the difference between runners and my car?
My car is still running.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
