My jokes

An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."

What did the poo say when it fell out of your bum?

"Your anus looks like my mum's bedsheet which is smelly and covered in poo."

I also just wanted to add that a Goonie's anus looks like my nan's mouth.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.

My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

I took a plane to go see my hairline.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.

I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.

Love that dress; it would look much better on my floor, though.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

Not 15, as my basement's still dark.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.