My jokes

My sad ass life.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?

He said “Wynaut.”

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

Top 10 Cos:

1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

Chenle: One time when I was younger, someone asked me how old I was and I forgot. I had to Wikipedia my age to remember.

Jisung: This is the richest thing I've ever heard in my life.