My jokes
I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?
My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."
What's brown and hurts your teeth? A chocolate? No. A baseball bat in my hands.
When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
My penis is longer than one inch.
An orphan goes to a family restaurant with her doll.
"I'm sorry but you can't be here," said the man. "This is a family restaurant." The orphan said, "This is my family," then pointed to her doll.
How did number 1 kindly make number 2?
I got my was kicked, let's be friends?
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
My life #freemymanrkelly
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"