My jokes

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?

"Panera, my parents are dead."

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.

To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care.

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

What do Myspace and my dad have in common?

I haven't seen them in a while.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

My sister 🤣😂

Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.

Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...