My jokes

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.

Like this post and comment down below if you want me to announce my real name in my next post!

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

I am thinking of removing my spine.

It's only holding me back.

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Orphans: Where are my parents?

Random person: In the bed.

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.