My jokes

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,

but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.

*Is honestly the best policy.*

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.

My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying, "This isn't working!" I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine.

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.

Do you work at Subway? Because you turn my 6 inch into a footlong.

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

My uncles like the moon.

He comes out at night.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

My dog died. I'm so sad.