My jokes

Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.

Birthday girl: Oh wow!

Parent: Anyone missing?

Birthday girl: Your parents.

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

My mom is bad and my dad is bad.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

What do you call it when an orphan goes to Panera Bread?

"Panera, my parents are dead."

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

Why? You ask.

Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

An Asian student was learning logarithm in class. He wrote down his name after the question. The teacher asked why. He replied, "My class ID is number 1."

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

I get jealous when my phone dies.

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.