My jokes

Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!

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Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.

My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.

What is the difference between Harry Houdini and everyone else in my life? Harry was the only person not to disappear.

I am thinking of removing my spine.

It's only holding me back.

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

Like this post and comment down below if you want me to announce my real name in my next post!

Orphans: Where are my parents?

Random person: In the bed.

My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.

I was about to change my password to Fire-Fist Ace... but apparently it was too weak.

Me and my friends are going to create a Steps tribute band. We are all in wheelchairs, so we are going to be called "Ramps."

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........

IMAGINE!

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

My sad ass life.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.