My jokes

Is that my student?

Na! It is Jesus!

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.

Birthday girl: Oh wow!

Parent: Anyone missing?

Birthday girl: Your parents.

I get jealous when my phone dies.

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵

C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

Gotta dive and cry some more.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.

Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.

"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

My great grandpa killed Hitler.

My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:

I got it from her when I was born.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

So, as a school shooter, I try to remember my ABC's. A, B, C, D, E, F, GUN!

And I basically stop at G, since no students ever speak to me about the rest.

Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.