My jokes

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!

I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.

Why did my wife leave me? I wish I knew.

Yo, hairline is as accurate as my jump shot.

My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."

Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

Hello, Brudas, my name Badabeeyeabolamazoqanba. I, forty-eight-year man from Somalia. Sorry for bad England. I sold my wife for internet connect, and I am level thirteen in Roblacks. If you want to get batter in Roblacks, contact me at Gmail@borakoobama. Send me your bank account information and password. Than I well give you all the cotton you desire. Sorry for bad spelling. I kindergarden dropout.

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.