My jokes

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger sister.

My great-great-great grandpa killed Hitler.

My anus smells.

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

Wow, my own joke. Category: I problem won’t remember this.

What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

I like my orphans how I like my wine, locked in my basement for ten.

I wish the grass in my backyard was emo so it would cut itself.