My Jokes

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

- JFK

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

because yes

A close-up of a white rabbit character with large blue eyes and buck teeth, with the text 'Me trying to breathe through my nose while I run but I literally can't' written above it.

What do the Twin Towers and my ad's condom both have in common?

They both broke and everybody cried.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. (ref)

I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

You know I used to call my dogs' balls the Twin Towers, until they came rumbling down.

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.