My jokes

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?

No, I'm blind.

Stop ruining my jokes.

Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?

It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Me and my friend (rope) like hanging out.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.

Don’t make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

The Twin Towers are like my dad, they are never coming back.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."