My jokes

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

The Twin Towers are like my dad, they are never coming back.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.

Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!

My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.