My jokes
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"
I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."
Say "crack my finger" backwards.
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
Memes
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
What did The Rock say to his dad?
"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"