My jokes

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Someone in my class described the KKK as ghosts with pointy hats... I mean, he's not wrong.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

The Twin Towers are like my dad, they are never coming back.

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

"Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."

- JFK

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

Don’t make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.