Gut

Gut Jokes

Fart

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

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  • Egg

    I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

    Bowl

    "Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."

    Toad

    Why did the toad cross the road?

    To show his girlfriend he had guts.

    Skeleton

    What did one skeleton say to the other?

    Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

    Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

    Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

    Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

    Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

    Instinct

    Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!

    Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.

    Frog

    Why did the frog cross the road?

    To show his gang that he had guts.

    Relationship

    Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

    Skeleton

    Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?

    He didn't have the guts to see it.

    Skeleton

    Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

    Because he didn't have the guts to do it.

    Hedgehog

    Why did the hedgehog cross the road? To show he had guts.

    Why did the other hedgehog cross the road? To see his flat mate.

    Fight

    Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.