My jokes

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?

My mind.

Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!

Say "crack my finger" backwards.

What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."

I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!

What did The Rock say to his dad?

"I'm gonna Rock Bottom my cock down your throat!"

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation to the orphanage :)

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

Don’t make jokes about 9/11. My dad was the best Middle Eastern pilot.

My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

My brother apparently has this thing called "asthma". Anyway, I took his vape away today, and he was lying on the floor gasping for air, lol. He must really be addicted to it.