Murder jokes

There is a Mexican sitting on a train.

The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."

The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

How did Helen Keller die?

Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.

How did the lesbian die? Homicide.

Why did 7 kill 11?

Because now 7 was even.

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.

What is red and very rare?

A child in a blender.

My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?

He killed everyone on this f#cking website.

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”