Murder jokes
What did the man do when he caught his wife cheating on him?
He honor-killed her.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
Why did Jeffrey Dahmer only date black men?
Nutella!
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
I got you the candy. Haha! You idiot, it's poison!
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.