Murder jokes

When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.

What did Jeff Dahmer say to the gays? Get over here and let me give you so much anal to where you die, DADDY! UWU!

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.

You'd look great With a knife in your back.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.

Tracy Latimer was described as cheerful, popular at school, and as an animal lover.

Just trying to gas her up a little bit.

Ok, so let me tell y'all the lore. Basically, what happened was there's these mfs called Rhys and a guy named Mobrur. Mobrur is a fish basically from Bangladesh and Israel, so he's just a fish because he's Netanyahu's cousin, and Liam is from Australia; he's just a white piece of crap.

Basically, what happened was they knocked up each other because they were drunk and jumping on Netanyahu's beer belly, and it was all just a mess. Rhys is trying to get child support and half property from Fish, but he won't give it because he is nasty and claiming what isn't his, and he said, "No one likes you." So to summarize it, he killed him and is in jail now.

And there he met Mooha and he turned straight, Alhamdulillah! EVERYONE SAY ALHAMDULILLAH! He became straight, then Mooha got knocked up in prison and the guards beat them and they died.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

A retarded kid sees a murderer chopping up his latest victim with a saw. The retarded kid yells, "Seesaw!" because he sees a saw.

Murder, murder, suicide by police.

How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?

Kill her first.

When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"

I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.

What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?

One won't scream when you remove their meat.

Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.

What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

Riddle: A man killed his wife in his car with a knife, and no one could see him. He threw the body out of the car and threw the knife off a cliff. When he got home, the cops called the man and told him his wife was dead and to come to the scene of the crime. The man agreed and rushed to the scene. When he got there, the cops immediately arrested him. Why?

ANSWER: The cops never said where the scene of the crime is.

Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.