Murder Jokes

An old man and a child are walking into the woods, suddenly they stop "Mister," the child says, "I'm scared l, these woods are dark and creepy..." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet? At least when a bullet kills someone it’s actually fired

I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.

If a person kills their counselor, does that mean that they don't need therapy anymore?

Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.

what the

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.

Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.

Why did 7 kill 11?

Because now 7 was even.

These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

the last thing that went through abe licolins head was a bullet

Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.

What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.

Today I Vance a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

How did Helen Keller die? Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it

I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.