Murder jokes
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
A sad guy called "nun" is crying next to the grave of his best friend called "month". "Month" got killed by a gay guy, and after that, "nun" got homophobic.
While "nun" is sitting next to "month"'s grave, he heard a guy ask his friend: 《Do You Wanna Play A Game On?》 "Nun" got angry and he asked that guy: 《What did you just say to your friend?》 The guy answers: 《A game on, why?》
"Nun" kills the two guys.
🤔
They killed a whole family of crows... It was a murder!
They killed a bunch of ravens... What a conspiracy!
What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when done with his black dates?
He dumped them.
I killed a man in '94.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
Tracy Latimer was described as cheerful, popular at school, and as an animal lover.
Just trying to gas her up a little bit.
Who is Tracy Latimer's least favourite Beauty and the Beast character?
GASton.