Murder jokes
My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
Ted Bundy walks into a bar wearing all black. The bartender asks, “Whose funeral is it?”
Ted Bundy looks around the room and replies, “I haven’t decided yet.”
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."
What's a knife's favorite person?
The victim.
If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Dude,
if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
The cops are still searching for my wife's killer. Luckily, I already fled the country.
My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
Am I funny now? Because this is what you brainlets find funny.
What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?
Heads and shoulders.
Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...