Monkey jokes
Never search up "monkey with blue balls."
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"
The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.
Hanuman is a monkey.
monkey d luffy
How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?
You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.
I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.
They never got together at all.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
Roses are red, Your blood is too. You look like a monkey and belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too, Not in a cage but laughing at you!
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.
Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.
Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!