I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys… Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey?!



5 five little monkeys jumping on a bed

One fell of and bumped his head mamma called Walmart and walmart said

We will give you a replacement



why did the monkey fall out of the tree he was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree he was also dead why did the third monkey fall out of the tree monkey see monkey do why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree he was stapled to the first one




Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Because he was dead.



This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar. An hour or so goes, then the new flame says, I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice,food is great, but what’s up with the monkey way down there? His friend ok, Watch this. He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool,pulls down his zipper and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin,cleaned himpulled up his zipper then jumped to his chair. Walked back to his new gay friend and said what do you think of that? MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that! His squeeze said wanna give it a try? I sure do, JUST DON’T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey. how’s that?




(My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song)

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look likes a monkey, and you smell like one too!

(No affence to anyone reading this on there birthday)


How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench.



What do humans and monkeys have in common… they both hang from trees


Daniel King

Why did the monkey 🐒 take his banana 🍌 to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because it wasn’t peeling good.



Why did the Nurse bring a read pen to work? To draw Blood Why did the M&M go to school? to be a smartie. Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? to be in highschool.



There are three men walking down the road and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm there is a cow a monkey and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money and the farm is going out of business. One of the men’s sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest but it’s so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them in suggested that they put a cork up the cows behind. The first guy says okay then go put a cork there. I don’t want to do it you do it no you do it. The third guy says let’s just get the monkey to do it. And the monkey puts the cork in the couch behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm. The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of cow. Guys we need to take the cork out of the cow he says. Well I’m not going to do it you do it, no you do it. The third guy says let’s just get the monkey to do it again. So the monkey uncorks a cow. And there was a huge explosion… a few days later the three men wake up in the hospital. The doctor walks up to the first man what happened he asks the first man replies all I remember is that a horrible sound. The doctor walks up to the second man and asks what happened. All I remember is that horrible smell… The doctor walks up to the third man and again ask the same question. The third man looks at him and says all I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in.




Roses are red Your blood is tooyou look like a monkey and belong in a zoo Do not worry i will be there too not in a cage but laghing at you




Monkey:What ya doing Other monkey:Just you know “Hanging around”

Bad joke right i just can’t think of something amazing it’s like my brain is “Hanging”



When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys penises



Monkey monkey monkey monkey



What do you call a monkey in a mine field? BaBOOM

Jack and Jill

Nivedh jha

Caesar salad jack and jill little johny koala Zebra monkey vegetables bus baa bus


I'm not funny

Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.


Nivedh jha

Zebra couldn’t find any grass then he saw the monkey cooking he thought to steal a little but he was burned in the fore and th smoke was all over him but when he to the ocean it’s still there and zebras are stuck in this stile forever



What’s yellow, slimy and smells like bananas? Monkey puke