Monkey jokes
Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
It's ALWAYS like this
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
We’ve got to celebrate our differences! 👻🤝🐵🤝🍚🤝🌮🤝💣🤝🏳️🌈🤝🍔🤝🥖🤝🍕
Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.
Your hairline goes so far back that even Gavin, who looks like a monkey, can't see it!
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
Black people are living proof we evolved from monkeys.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
What is a monkey with a head?
If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.
No, seriously,
I'm right behind ya.
America is filled with MAYO MONKEYS (you could make a mayo sandwich!).
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
BaBOOM!
What is yellow and smells like bananas?
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!